Life is hard enough when we know what’s coming. I mean there are some things that are decently predictable. We know what to expect from our work. Most know what’s coming when it comes to education. We can even, because of the routine of the day predict breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a high degree of probability.
However, when it comes to the life changes with family, some things that come our way are just not the “story book ending” that we expected. Right now I’m having some real personal struggles in hanlding the growing up of our children. In fact Ellen and I both are. She knows that I struggle with getting older, but she expressed that getting older doesn’t bother her as much as our children getting older. I’me finding that to be true for me too.
Our oldest is trying to spread wings and fly on her own. Our middle one is trying to grow through a very tough physical ailment–epilepsy. The twins have turned 15 and I can feel the transitioning in them. They too are beginning to feel independence.
I guess there are two things that are the most difficult for me at this time–closeness and control. I say closeness because we are such a close family. With all of this transition, I can feel that kind of slipping away. I know that sounds silly because closeness can continue even after they’ve all gone, but it’s just not the same.
As far as control is concerend, I’m not talking about the kind of control in the negative sense, but in the protective sense. I know that the world is a cruel place and the possibilties out there are tremendous both positivily and negativly. I just hope that all we’ve taught them will stick.
To me this is the toughest kind of faith. Not that I don’t believe that God can keep them, but it’s just letting go that’s so hard. I’ve always believed that God has been with us and I believe that He will always be with us. I just have to believe it now stronger than ever.
I hope that’s not weakness of faith, but just a concern for the future, which is something I can’t see, but He can.
Update on Ann. Ellen’s mom got to get out of the ICU and is in a regular room now. She is experiencing some confusion and is even hallucinating some. We think this is from some of the meds they have had her on, but they did a brain scan today just to make sure all is OK there. We don’t know those results yet. We are awaiting a possible trip to Birmingham for some futer work on her breathing. Thanks for your prayers.