Life’s Changes–TOUGH!!

Life is hard enough when we know what’s coming.  I mean there are some things that are decently predictable.  We know what to expect from our work.  Most know what’s coming when it comes to education.  We can even, because of the routine of the day predict breakfast, lunch, and dinner with a high degree of probability.

However, when it comes to the life changes with family, some things that come our way are just not the “story book ending” that we expected.   Right now I’m having some real personal struggles in hanlding the growing up of our children.  In fact Ellen and I both are.  She knows that I struggle with getting older, but she expressed that getting older doesn’t bother her as much as our children getting older.  I’me finding that to be true for me too.

Our oldest is trying to spread wings and fly on her own.  Our middle one is trying to grow through a very tough physical ailment–epilepsy.  The twins have turned 15 and I can feel the transitioning in them.  They too are beginning to feel independence. 

I guess there are two things that are the most difficult for me at this time–closeness and control.  I say closeness because we are such a close family.  With all of this transition, I can feel that kind of slipping away.  I know that sounds silly because closeness can continue even after they’ve all gone, but it’s just not the same. 

As far as control is concerend, I’m not talking about the kind of control in the negative sense, but in the protective sense.   I know that the world is a cruel place and the possibilties out there are tremendous both positivily and negativly.  I just hope that all we’ve taught them will stick.

To me this is the toughest kind of faith.  Not that I don’t believe that God can keep them, but it’s just letting go that’s so hard.  I’ve always believed that God has been with us and I believe that He will always be with us.  I just have to believe it now stronger than ever.

I hope that’s not weakness of faith, but just a concern for the future, which is something I can’t see, but He can.

____________________________________

Update on Ann.  Ellen’s mom got to get out of the ICU and is in a regular room now.  She is experiencing some confusion and is even hallucinating some.  We think this is from some of the meds they have had her on, but they did a brain scan today just to make sure all is OK there.  We don’t know those results yet.  We are awaiting a possible trip to Birmingham for some futer work on her breathing.  Thanks for your prayers.

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8 responses to “Life’s Changes–TOUGH!!

  • Connie Lard

    Keith, My boys are 24 and 28 now. I can really relate to your feelings, as I had the same ones watching them grow up and then leave home. I guess a part of me will always wish they were 1 and 5 – still so trusting and right under my wings. But, change is inevitable, so I have tried to embrace the good things in each stage and let go of the losses. I recently returned from visiting my newly-married son in south Florida. First time I’ve visited in their home as a married couple. Rather than focusing on the fact that he’s so far away and definitely not coming homw now, I tried to enjoy the richness of the times we have together and the beauty of welcoming a new person into our family and getting to know hers. And, when I had to leave, I gave the pain to our Father, who loves me so much that He keeps all my tears in a bottle (that’s from a reading somewhere in the Psalms). 🙂

  • Laura T

    Keith,
    I too truly feel your pain with you. This whole “girlfriend and dating” thing is really tough for me. D has always been “my little man”. I’ve been the most important female in his life for 15 1/2 years. Now there’s someone else taking over my spot. Luckily it’s Darren’s best friend’s twin sister who also happens to be one of the beautiful daughters of our favorite preacher. So we know she’s from good stock and will treat him well. And we also know that if he doesn’t treat her like he’s been taught to we know her Daddy well enough to know that he’ll take care of D for us. 🙂 But like you said…it’s the letting go that is tough. We’ve made sure they’ve been safe and tried to teach them everything they’ll ever need to know for so long and now they’re trying to take a few test drives out of the nest. It’s scary! Especially when you read the newspapers and 19 year old kids are greasy spots because they didn’t look before pulling out into an intersection. The pride wells up and fills my heart to overflowing to watch my children grow and achieve their goals and dreams but it breaks with sorrow that they are not my “babies” any more. Some days the pride wins and some days the sorrow wins. I’m hoping for more “pride” days to come!

    Give Ellen, Glen, & Ann our best! We love you guys!

  • cwinwc

    I’m right there with you Bro. As the kiddos grow older the “closeness” changes into a “new normal.” There are times when this “new normal” can be good and there are times when I wish Steven was 5 again. I can really relate to some of the things my parents told me as I pulled away towards “independence” if that really fully ever happens.

    We’ll continue to keep all of you in our prayers.

  • neva

    I remember feeling very much the same way. I did not want my relationship with my children to change and I grieved what I perceived to be the loss of it. But, after much prayer, I realized my children were doing exactly what I had been training them to do. I realized that had they stayed the same, it would have meant something was wrong with them and without change of any sort there really is not much to hope for—-I know that is little comfort–but little comfort is better than none, 🙂
    I will say a prayer for all of you.
    Peace
    neva

  • Donna

    I can remember sitting in my living room watching a movie with both kids and my husband and tears rolling down my face….I was realizing these times were coming to an end. and they did.

    But there is a new kind of closeness and the next stage is natural and wonderful. Don’t cheat yourself from enjoying it by wishing for the way things “used to be”. But, I know you won’t!

  • Greg England

    Donna said what I was going to say, and her picture is much prettier than mine would be. You’ve been with my family … we are very close. My daughter is 22 and will still come and sit in her mother’s lap and watch tv with her. We still kiss them both when we leave them. We say, “I love you,” to one another without embarrassment. I relate 100% with where you are, but what you can’t know that others do know is there really is another context of relationship awaiting you with your children on their own that is wonderfully exciting! As much as we miss our children at home and as much as we love for them to come home, there is a joy in the relationships we have with them on their own. Take each day as a gift and fill your heart with thanksgiving for the “now.” You’ll be doing the same when they are all gone.

  • Tabby

    Dad, I may be getting older…but you are mommy will always be my heroes. I love you both soooo much!

  • jel

    Well I can’t say I know how you 2 are feeling, not have anykids, but from Tabby’s comment , you both have done a good job , 🙂

    and glad to hear that Ann got out of ICU!

    blessings

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