Crying in a Dark Place

It seems that with every victory comes some kind of defeat. I seem to be clicking right along, feeling good, smiling, and then something comes along to make what is seemingly sweet turn bitter. It just seems to be that way.

People who believe that Christians have it “all together” just really don’t realize that we too struggle. There are doubts, anger, frustration, hurt, disappointment. No one is immune. It’s like a disease that we all have that lays dormant for periods of time and then crops up its ugly head. When it’s good it’s really good, but when it’s bad–well–it just hurts like hell.

Don’t get too bent out of shape when you read that, because it is an accurate description. Hell is not defined as only a place of fire and brimstone. It’s not just a place of pain and suffering. It is a place where those who experience it will be in the total absence of the God of heaven. So, when I feel those times of anger, frustration and disappointment, it feels just like God is not there. It feels like He has decided to let us struggle for a while all alone. It’s scary. It’s hell.

My grandson Robert (8 months old) knows that feeling of alone already. When mommy or “gran” (that’s Ellen) leaves the room, he will sometimes cry out in fear and frustration. He don’t understand that they are just going to the bathroom or to the kitchen for a drink of water. He senses something of absence and therefore has a fear that we don’t understand, but he does. And yet I can’t help but wonder if we feel the same thing in dark times.

Here is the comfort I’m receiving from my own blog. Mommies and grans always come back when the crying starts. They come back with love and concern. Though it may be for a night or even two, most of the time it’s not that long. Because in the heart of mommies and grans is the face of that crying child who desires their return. And as much as the child wants them back, they want to be back.

Why can’t I see God the same way? Today I cry out. Today my arms are reaching into what feels like a dark place–the unknown. It’s scary, but I must know in my heart of hearts that though it may be for a night or two or a year or even a lifetime, my Father is too longing to be with me again. I sure long for him. I am waiting. Please come soon Father.


8 responses to “Crying in a Dark Place

  • Brenda

    Lord come Quickly!!!!

  • Donna

    Great description the darkness we all go through. I hope your time there is short.

  • gregengland

    We’ve been in a darkness for a while now. Not as long as yours, but it seems just as dark. And yes, your description is very accurate. It is hell.

  • Ron

    At this point the best I can say is that I weep with you and I’m about to be praying for you.

  • Steve Connolly

    This comes to mind as I read your blog this morning. Am prompted to keep you in prayer.
    Isaiah 40:31 (KJV) But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

  • A Friend

    Keith. You know I am walking your path. I’m just a little further down the road than you. The desert is a lonely place to be… I know… I’m there. Moses was on the backside of Midian 40 years. Paul was in the desert 3 years. Jesus was there for 40 days without food or water. The Children of Israel were there 40 years also. My best advice, as one who’s walking the path, is read the Psalms. Read them often… slowly… and with purpose.

    For Paul, his tentmaking business supported him fulfilling his call to missions and planting churches. He refused to rely on others SO THAT he could present the Gospel. It may be that is what you will have to do. There is no shame in being a tent-maker. Working secularly does not mean a call is abandoned. You can do it… many others have before you. You have not been left either by God or your friends.

    Listen closely to those God has placed around you for counsel. They can probably see things more clearly and objectively than you can. You are now in a place that will determine if you really believe what you have taught and preached for many years. I know that’s what I’ve be meditating about.

    Hardship and trials are sent to humble us. To soften us. To MAKE us rely on God. Times like these help us understand what Paul went through regarding his thorn in the flesh.

    My last suggestion…. put away ever book written by human hands for a while. Settle into Psalms and Romans 8. Ask God to reveal Himself to you.

    Bless you…

  • Meowmix

    I also suggest to you to go to the Psalms. (Do you remember sending me to them a couple of years ago?) The prayers and the crying out to God sink into our hearts, and we identify with them, as well as the praises. As I read this blog, I was reminded of a particular passage from the Psalms, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”-Psalm 30:5 I, too, have been in the darkness and am not very far from it now. I THINK I’m on the other side in the “morning” and in “light,” but as long as we live this earthly life, there will be darknesses. You are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.

  • Keith Davis

    Judy, you are the second or third person in the past few days to remind me of the Psalms. A friend sent me Psalm 13. Listen to this.

    (Psalms 13 NCV) “How long will you forget me, LORD? Forever? How long will you hide from me? {2} How long must I worry and feel sad in my heart all day? How long will my enemy win over me? {3} LORD, look at me. Answer me, my God; tell me, or I will die. {4} Otherwise my enemy will say, “I have won!” Those against me will rejoice that I’ve been defeated. {5} I trust in your love. My heart is happy because you saved me. {6} I sing to the LORD because he has taken care of me.”

    POWERFUL!! And dead center of where I’ve been lately.

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